


Numbing Waves

by kilps



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Dark, Depression, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Homesickness, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron)-centric, Langst, M/M, Suicide Attempt, hints of klance, puking, vent fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-19 22:00:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15519531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kilps/pseuds/kilps
Summary: Sometimes the thought of not existing is more pleasant than reality.





	Numbing Waves

**Author's Note:**

> Make sure to read the tags for a warning! This story is pretty heavy and won't be a good read for anyone. Go back if you need to.

He remembered Earth. 

 

He remembered it's water. 

 

He remembers the Ocean. 

 

He remembered all of his tears that found its way into that Ocean back on the beach in Cuba. 

 

The streaks finding its way down his face was a reminder of all that. He had held in his tears for so long but at the moment, it really felt like he was sitting back in the ocean. He could almost feel the cold waves numbing his body. 

 

It wasn't the water of the ocean. He knew that. It was most likely the Altean medicine he had chugged only minutes ago. He didn't know what it was but.. that was okay. 

 

Lance just hoped it would do its job. Either numb him, make him feel better, or kill him. 

 

His head perked up when he heard footsteps outside his door. They were soft but definitely there. He sat like that for a few seconds, his head tilted up, his chin leaning on the soft blanket of his bed. The Cuban boy didn't realize he was holding his breath until he let out a shaky sigh of relief when the sounds of walking became too soft to hear any more. He let out a breathy chuckle that was weak and bitter.

 

_He wasn't important enough to get checked up on._

 

His lower lip was quivering now. His hands were shaky and he could no longer feel his legs. 

 

"I'm so sorry..." He spoke to no one in particular. Maybe it was to the person who'd find him or the person who had to clean up the body. Maybe it was to the whole team because with Keith gone, there'd be no red paladin if it all ended for Lance McClain. He felt a twinge in his chest when he realized maybe it was to his family. They probably already thought he was dead but for the other paladins to have to actually confirm it. 

 

He could already see his mama crying. 

 

"Mama.." He remembered all the small forehead kisses, the words of praise, the smiles of pride and all the encouragement she offered him ever since he was a baby. "I'm so sorry, Mama.''

 

He cried harder.

 

Lance was hysteric now, his long fingers digging into his bedsheet as he laid by its side. 

 

He didn't even realize what this would do to his mama. He was hurt just by thinking what the news would do to her. The news that one of the other Paladins found him not breathing because he made sure to chug down a foreign Altean medicine.  He drank it all just to end it all. 

 

"I can't do this anymore." He whispered, his voice becoming raspy and sounding almost breathless. "Forgive me, mama.."

 

His vision was going blurry. He could still see but objects around him just became random shapes, details, and colors all warped into each other. His head was swaying now. The boy could barely keep his head up.

 

That's when he felt it.  A small tickle in the back of his throat that birthed from the small twinge in his chest. In a hurry, his weak limbs reached for the small wastebasket by his bed and pulled it close. The contents that escaped from his mouth and into the basket burned his throat and tasted of chemicals. It was even oddly colored almost like a lilac color. He didn't want to look at it, his eyes scrunched closed to avoid seeing what had been thrown up. He felt the feeling again and readied for the pain again.

 

Though, this time he did nothing but dry heave. Trying to form a breath after was possibly one of the hardest things he had ever attempted. He was so weak. It took everything he had just to breathe, let alone move. He managed to move the trash bin away from him and back to the spot where it had been originally. It took everything he had. 

 

He took shaky small breaths. His throat was so dry and it was throbbing. Lance tried to focus on his breathing to try and forget the agony he was in. 

 

_You deserve this._

 

His thoughts were running wild. His eyes a light pink. They were puffy and swollen from crying. 

 

_You brought this on yourself._

 

That was his lost thought before falling backward and seeing nothing but blackness.

* * *

 

" _Lance..- up!"_

_  
"Goddamn it..!- Can't do..- wake up!"_

_  
"Please..- buddy..-"_

* * *

Lance was cold. 

 

His eyes fluttered open but before he had time to interpret his circumstances he felt himself fall. In his confused state, he found himself shrieking. It was a weak cry, his throat still sounding raspy. Definitely better than before but there was still a dryness to the tone. 

 

Before he could hit the ground, something wrapped around his upper torso. It didn't take him long to realize that is was arms. 

 

He looked over to see violet eyes. 

 

He would recognize them anywhere. 

 

It was Keith. He looked concerned. 

 

"Oh my gosh.. Lance!" 

 

That was Pidge's voice from not too far away.

 

He looked to see that everyone was there, even Allura and Coran. 

 

He opened his mouth to retort but only to realize what must have happened. He was very much alive and he felt fine. 

 

Lance may have been cold and his legs were shaky but the numbness and pain had left him. His body felt like it always had after leaving the cyropod. He felt sick. Just thinking that he was fine made him feel repulsive. 

 

"No.." He whispered to himself. His face scrunching up a mixture of anger and disappointment. 

 

_You can't even die correctly._

 

"Lance, speak to us, buddy." He heard Shiro say, it was the softest he ever heard his leader talk. 

 

Then it was Hunk.  
  


"Lance?"

 

_"Why didn't you guys just let me die?"_

 


End file.
